True Dat!

The Perfect Job

I am so sick and tired of this shitty spam posted every morning, for every job category within craigslist. Seriously, how out of touch are these people? List your car in a different section, not in the section poor broke ass chumps look for jobs. It's really insulting.

So I decided to take matters in my own hands. If you are going to feature yourself in a job posting section, I want that job. Even if that job means I have to drive a BMW convertible. I feel that I am well qualified!

Here is my email to the poster, detailing my strengths and how I am best suited for this opportunity!

Dear Hiring Manager,
I am very interested in the job opportunity you have offered on the craigslist website. Let me start off by telling you how great I think the BMW product line is. German engineering is just brilliant, isn't it? In addition to this, I am very familiar with operating a vehicle. When it comes to parking, I have no problem maneuvering into small spots, even on busy streets. I have had my driver's license for over 10 years and my record is clean. My schedule is flexible so I would be available to drive this car for you day and night. I am looking to make approximately $35,000 annually. With your company's standards in excellence and my expertise I think that we have success on our hands. I look forward to discussing this job opportunity in more detail when we conduct our interview.

Regards,
Martha Z


I'll keep you posted!

Several Things

I wish that if I wished hard enough I could have a job. Being unemployed, with very job leads since January has really taken it's toll on me. I'm tired of feeling like an unproductive citizen. Why can't searching for jobs be profitable? And why is that every other job posting sounds like a total scam? Why is it that so many jobs either pay less then I claim in my government funds, or have totally unrealistic job qualifications? Do you really need a doctorate to answer a phone and take messages? I'm not even sure who I feel worse for.

My body hates me for being unemployed. It wants me to be active instead of sitting in front of a computer screen searching for said jobs. Being unemployed is also not very fashionable. I try and retain a routine of dressing and showering daily, even though many days can go by where I don't leave the house. My clothes are either too small, worn out or just frumpy. The thought of going out can even be a chore, wait, I have to wear pretty and cute clothes?

I hope that my relationships aren't at a complete loss. I blow off friends left and right. "Oh what are you doing tonight?" "We're going to [insert restaurant, bar, venue, movie, store]." "Oh, I better stay home, I shouldn't be spending any money." I should round up all my other jobless buddies and start a craft circle. Or set up a giant yard sale to sell our remaining possessions to pay bills.

And my credit suffers. Paying bills on time used to be such an easy task, set up auto-payments, or make the payment as soon as my bill came out. Now I sleep in terror that I will get some credit harassing phone call about being overdue, and they don't care that my unemployment check doesn't post till next week.

I'm not looking for pity, I'm not asking for consolation. I don't hesitate to admit that I'm unemployed. That I was laid off from my job that I worked hard for and enjoyed for 4 years. There is no shame, yet people seem to shudder or frown when I make this statement. This world is an an economic topsy-turvy. Hopefully a golden opportunity comes by soon, otherwise you may have to spare me a dime.

or



I love them both

Silk Tie Eggs, No Yolk!

Another holiday is upon us and of course I procrastinate til the last minute until I finally embark on a craft project. Went to my favorite search engine, looked up "decorate Easter eggs" and low and behold the Martha Stewart website appears. Martha is the queen of artsy decorative bric a brac, but would I be up to the project? The silk tie egg project got me all wide eyed and hyper, I rushed out to the thrift store to gather up old silk ties and some white bedsheets. I traveled all over the city looking for an egg blower and finally stumbled across one at an Ukrainian shop. The egg blower worked like a charm and pumped the white and yolk out of my eggies like nobodies business. The project was such a blast and turned out well I had to capture the moments in a little d.i.y. tutorial.

Here are a few items that you will need for your project:
Silk ties, dark rich vivid colors with small intricate patterns work best
White cloth such as a bed sheet, pillowcase, undershirt
Twistie ties or zip ties
enamelware or glass pot
slotted spoon
white vinegar
Eggs, you'll definitely need some eggs for this project (white or brown and medium to large in size)

Ok, ready set, roll

First we have our blown out eggs, I rinsed them with water and dried them by popping them in the microwave for a few seconds. You want the eggs to be dry but not hot.

Then you take a square from whatever silk item that you butchered and lay the egg against the cloth, print side up. I try and adjust the egg so it falls in place with as much graphic as possible.


Bundle the egg with the silk and just for the time being secure it with your hand.
Pardon my nails, I am in dire need of a manicure!

Next you will wrap the bundled in silk egg in a piece of white cloth. I ended up finding a bed sheet at the thrift store which worked nicely, although I definitely didn't need all that material. Oh well, I'll be stocked for next year.


Well it looks like I have two of the same pictures so for this step all you will do is bundle the egg completely in the white sheet, securing the fabric with your hand for the time being. The excess fabric will be like a white sheet ponytail in your hand, or a sideways ghost.


Use a twist tie, zip tie, strong rubber band or twine to secure the remaining cloth.

Repeat above steps until you run out of eggs or cloth, or get bored!


Fill your pot up with water until eggs are covered.

Add 3 tablespoons vinegar, glug glug glug


Let the egg concoction come to a boil

Simmer for 20 minutes, reward yourself for your hard work by having a glass of wine, beer, soda, water, milk, egg yolks, whatever you want!


When your timer beeps grab your slotted spoon to haul out your eggies because they will be hot, hot, hot! Don't want to burn yourself and risk drop your beautiful egg creation on the ground.

I transferred the eggs, one by one to a bowl in the sink and rinsed them with cool water before I attempted to snip off the twist tie. Hold your breath when you unwrap them because seeing what happened to your egg during this process can be quite shocking!


Your eggie will be need to be drained of water. Be careful because the water can be extremely hot, it was sitting in a simmering pot of water for the last 20 minutes.

Set your masterpieces aside to dry and celebrate your success with another drink!


ENJOY HAVE A HAPPY EASTER

I hope this tutorial was somewhat coherent, especially coming from a person that tends to be very incoherent.

Can Cleaning by Deadly?

I happily chanced across this at the thrift store the other day...







I hope it doesn't turn out to be like this...

I am a Sucker

So I raked in almost one hundred smackeroos on garb that I can't fit in, have no room for, didn't know what I was thinking when i bought it or don't like anymore. Not bad. It was difficult to restrain myself from buying more clothes as I was selling my old ones, but somehow I managed.

The only practical way of celebrating such victory and frugality is indulging in a $18 Costa Rican lunch. I had momentarily considered opting with hotdogs from the Vienna beef factory store, or even standing in line at Hot Dougs, but no a juicy ribeye steak under a pile of onions, with a whopping side of plantains and rice was calling my name. Let's not forget the creamy banana shake. I don't remember the last time I spent that much money on my own lunch. Which makes me wonder what else do I have laying around that I could sell.

I also wanted to mention how pleased I am with my cheap underwear purchase. No it's not from the thrift store, but Target. To think all this time I was blowing my bucks on stupid Victoria's Secret stuff, which don't get me wrong, is fine and dandy. But the Hane's comfort line is my new guilty pleasure. For about $6 you get a set of 3 pair, that's about $2 an undie. And if you read the product description off amazon it states that it's for all types of women from professionals, part time employees and even homemakers. Hellooo, what about the unemployed? Do i just fall under the homemaker category now? Nevertheless the undies are very comfy, come in dorky prints and don't ride up or try to hide in places fabric isn't meant to be. They are perfect complement for surfing the internet in search of the high paying job I need so I no longer have to buy el cheapo underwear.